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ExPat Rat
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« on: October 20, 2008, 15:31:57 PM » |
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The Cave
To All Al Queda Fighters
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really
come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting
a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have
few concerns:
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to
avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we
need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota have
you? I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to
the halal toaster).
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying
to scare the sh*t out of most of the world's population, okay? That
means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the
background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy"
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea
slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance
ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant
"Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.
Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA SH*GS DONKEYS" on the group
toilet wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was
relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.
Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse
that the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the
edge of the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys,
there is a grey area.)
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for
them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.
Love you lots,
Group Hug.
Os.
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Plan the Dive, Dive the Plan. One Life......Dive it!
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✈ Elle ☀
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« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2008, 16:07:20 PM » |
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Absolutely brilliant! Love it, Rat!  |
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Flash
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« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2008, 16:26:40 PM » |
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Brilliant, here's a little sing along:
If you cannot find osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi,
And your alibi is shoddy,
And your tastes remain quite gaudy,
Bomb Iraq.
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think that SUVs,
Are the best thing since sliced cheese,
And your father you must please,
Bomb Iraq.
If the globe is quickly warming, bomb Iraq.
If the poor will soon be storming, bomb Iraq.
We assert that might makes right,
Burning oil is a delight,
For the empire we will fight,
Bomb Iraq.
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someones dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Lets look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.
If corporate fraud is growin, bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin, bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that aint easy,
And your manhoods getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might now knows no borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? Well call it treason,
Its the make war not love season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.
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Be happy, communicate happiness
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✈ Elle ☀
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« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2008, 16:35:57 PM » |
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Sung to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands" is it Flash?
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Flash
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« Reply #5 on: October 20, 2008, 16:47:55 PM » |
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Goddit
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Be happy, communicate happiness
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Flash
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« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2008, 20:24:10 PM » |
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Sorry Keith, you know it's not meant to be  |
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Be happy, communicate happiness
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Madstock
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« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2008, 20:47:51 PM » |
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No probs Flash.  |
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If you don't laugh at yourself, you're missing the best joke.
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dave
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« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2008, 22:58:16 PM » |
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You've just blown my cover Rat!
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Bernie Bobcat
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« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2008, 23:09:24 PM » |
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LOL Dave!  Elle, isn't it funny how you instantly know that the tune is from "If you're happy and you know it"! That's kinda weird. That song is my one abiding memory of being in Junior Infants. I was scared shitless at school and I can clearly remember the day Sr Annunciata taught us all to sing it. Everyone had to sing and clap hands and all I can remember is singing the words as the tears streamed down my face! It's comical now, but at the time I was terrified! Actually that reminds me of another little anecdote - will go to who's story is it anyhow to continue! |
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