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Madstock
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« on: October 24, 2008, 20:19:55 PM » |
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1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going
to have her baby in the taxi'. I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were
several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.> > > > Submitted by Dr.
Mark MacDonald , St. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow
2.At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patients anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,'. I
instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . .
replied the patient.> > > > Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's
Bath
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of
the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'> > > > Submitted
by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.
4. During a patients two week follow-up appointment, he told me that
he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one I
asked?. 'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had
over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions includes removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.> > > > Submitted by Dr. Rebecca
St. Clair , Norfolk General
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long
have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'>
> > Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how was your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly
and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'> > > > Submitted by
Dr. Leonard J. Brandon .Bristol Infirmary.
7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair
styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate
operation....
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
that read . . .'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patients dressing, which
read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'> > > Submitted by Staff Nurse RN
Elaine Fogerty , KGH London> > > > Dr. wouldn't submit his name.
Keith.
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If you don't laugh at yourself, you're missing the best joke.
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Lyndylou
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« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2008, 20:21:34 PM » |
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LMAO - specially Number 5  |
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Madstock
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« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2008, 20:27:50 PM » |
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How's the turkish going down Lynn?  |
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If you don't laugh at yourself, you're missing the best joke.
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Lyndylou
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« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2008, 10:46:29 AM » |
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How's the turkish going down Lynn? It went down a treat thanks Keith |
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Madstock
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« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2008, 10:52:48 AM » |
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And what condition is Flash in today?
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If you don't laugh at yourself, you're missing the best joke.
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Lyndylou
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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2008, 13:01:58 PM » |
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Oh you know, same as ever, handsome, witty, hung like a small pony......
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✈ Elle ☀
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« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2008, 13:05:12 PM » |
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LMAO LyndyLou!  |
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Lyndylou
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« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2008, 13:09:04 PM » |
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Oh and I forgot to mention, not daft enough to leave his log in open !!
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Lyndylou
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« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2008, 13:53:59 PM » |
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Oh and I forgot to mention, not daft enough to leave his log in open !!
We'll see about that |
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Bernie Bobcat
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« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2008, 14:02:25 PM » |
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Funny stories! Here's a true one to add in from a few years back in the Practice. In Ireland some of us opt for Private Health Insurance to get access to better or quicker services than going through the public system. In recent years this opened up to include Bupa & Vivas Insurance, but over the years in Ireland V.H.I. (Voluntary Health Insurance) has had pretty much a monopoly on private care. When a patient presents with something that requires referral Alan would always ask them "do you have VHI" to decide where he might send them on. On one occasion an man attended who had some sort of surgical problem and he was hoping to have it attended to without delay. Alan apparently asked him his standard "Do you have VHI" question, perhaps with a little too much of a quizzical face, because the man allegedly checked quickly over his shoulder to make sure nobody else could hear, leaned in closer to Alan and asked in a lowered voice ".... is that the virus?!" (Do your anagrams now, if you haven't got the punchline!) |
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